The Web

People change things. No matter where they are, or what they are doing or trying not to do, people change things. You see it all the time in science fiction, someone goes back in time, steps on a butterfly which had an almost unbelievable effect on whether or not person X was born. Person X is not born, and Poland rule the world. On a smaller scale though, its still true. The tired cliche is ripples – each one of us makes countless ripples every day throughout the lives of everyone we know and half the people we dont. Take one of us out, and our ripples stop.

I dont think we realise how important these ripples are. I dont think we’re aware enough of our presence. The internet is a great example of this, as thousands upon millions of people log on every day and access their web presence. Relationships have been built on this bundle of 1s and 0s, some people have even lost their lives to it. I have been lucky enough to find one or two real friendships, that matter as much to me as those not started in the flesh.  I know that were my friends to suddenly not exist on the internet, I would notice, very quickly.

How much of a person goes into their internet self? People can go on to a social networking site, and load up pictures of themselves, tell you about their good times and bad times, their interests and hobbies and favourite songs and films and books….Some of these people then die, leaving their little web selves flickering solitary online. Their sites become shrines, mementos and memories of friends long gone. A digital fingerprint saying that this person existed in a sea of unmeasurable information.

The problem I have with this is that information can be destroyed, deleted. What becomes of my online friends and I if we’re deleted?  I think this is why people like “things” so much. Keepsakes. Physical reminders of their lives, and the lives of others. I once tried to get pictures of me and all my friends, just one on one or in a group. It was something to say “we know each other”. Something to remember them by when everyone goes their separate ways, or even if we never do.

Of course, I dont need things to remember my friends. I remember them by remembering myself, and thinking of who I’d be without them (I try not to think for long on that, I’m delicate). I know that my memory though, wont always be there. Maybe I’ll just plain lose it, maybe I’ll just plain die. Which would suck. I’m half tempted to just write in a book somewhere “stephen sutherland is friends with …”, you know, whoever. Just so its noted.

Like many of my posts, this one has meandered a little and I apologise. The ideas I had are merging into one another, takng up remnants of conversations with people, mixed up memories. I’d much rather have the memories than the post of course, but I would like you to read it. This blog could theoretically be the one peice of evidence I was ever here (assuming aliens or something kill everyone I know, and I “stick it to the man” by deleting my social networking sites). If that is the case….I better start writing better.

Yella’ bellied

As seems to be standard with my blog entries, I’ll start with an apology for not updating more regularly. The honest truth is that I’ve just been busy and havent had the chance! So without further ado…..

I’ll get this out of the way since i havent posted since I it was released – The Dark Knight. It was awesome. You know it was awesome, I know it was awesome, everyone knows. I cant say anything that hasnt been said already. Bravo. And please, encore.

I digress.

Head first. Thats the point I was getting to ironically. It seems to me nowadays thats its the only way to go. It may be my steady diet of superheroic fiction, reckless anime heroes, heroines and villains, but I cant shake the feeling that the only way to go forward isnt with my best foot, its with everything. At some point, I just got sick of sitting around and planning. “I’ll do it in two months and eight days, when event X happens”. of course, event X is postponed a little, and by the time it comes around its pretty much event Y now. Why bother? An old proverb says not to put off till tomorrow that which you can do today, and I finally got around to figuring out how right that is.

There’s something beautiful about seeing someone live every day without fear. Someone who can do and feel everything they want because they know that come what may, everything will work out for the best. it doesnt always of course, but at the time it sure feels like it will. You cross the bridge of negativity when you come to it, never before. I know people who have lived in other countries where they barely speak the language. People who have thrown themselves across the world and al the way back again. People who have made it on their own steam as far as they wanted to go,and are still looking farther. God help me I’m jealous. Gut twistingly, tear inducingly jealous.

I cant say whats in their heads. If they were scared, if they were calm. All I know is that scared or not, by the time push came to shove, they were without fear. Sure it may have hung around them, like a bad smell in the air, but it didnt stick. I hate how scared I get when I think of doing something big. The feeling I get when I do it though…there’s nothing quite like being your own personal hero for ten minutes. Even if that ten miniutes only comes along once every ten years or something.

I mention all this because I have a few ideas. Some that could stay ideas, and some that could mushroom into something bigger. Unfortunatley for me, I’m not fearless. But i think I can be brave.